Twilight the Parody
by sugarhigh123
Summary: Here is a parody of Twilight. I think it's pretty funny, but thats just my opinion... By the way, I LOVE twilight, so this wasn't meant to offend anyone. Both sequels now up!
1. Chapter 1

**I love reading the very few twilight parodies there are on fanfiction, so I thought I'd make one of my own. Before you review saying "how could you right this! You are making fun of twilight!" keep in mind that I am in love with Twilight, and I just wrote this to be funny. It's a PARODY. And I LOVE Twilight, so please don't tell me I am "disrespecting the characters" or whatever. Language is a little bit overdone. Anyway, I hope you like this, enjoy!**

**Twilight the Parody**

Bella: I'm moving mom.

Renee: Don't go Bella! I'll miss you! I don't want you to go.

Bella: You just keep telling yourself that.

Renee: No, really!

Bella: I know where I got my lack of ability to lie…

Renee: Screw you.

_-In forks-_

Charlie: I bought you a truck, Bella.

Bella: Um… thank you?

_-The next day-_

Bella: I guess I'll go to Forks High now, but I swear to myself I won't be social.

Jessica: I hate you already! Let's be best friends!

Bella: Eh, why not? Anything to make this hellhole you call Forks better… which you probably won't help at all.

Jessica: It's because I'm short, huh? WELL PISS OFF! Just because I eat an apple a day, it doesn't mean I'm fat! –Runs to bathroom and sticks finger down throat-

Bella: What the hell are you talking about?

Mike: Jessica's just bipolar because last year her therapist ate her hairbrush. We don't really know why…

Bella: Oh.

_-in biology-_

Bella: Hi.

Edward: I hate you. Go to hell. **(A/N I was going to write "go fuck yourself" instead but I didn't feel it was appropriate.)**

Bella: Already there.

Edward: Screw you.

Bella: Your mom!

Edward: Oh, HELL no!

_-Week passes by-_

Bella: I miss Edward. –Sobs-

_-On Monday-_

Edward: Sorry I ignored you. What's your life story?

Bella: Why are your eyes a different color?

Edward: Why is your face a different color? OH!

Bella: Because Charlie beats me.

Edward: …

Bella: I mean, uh, do you know how Michael Jackson turned white?

Edward: No.

Bella: exactly.

_-Tyler's van comes-_

Tyler: Dammit. If I just swerved a few more inches… I'll make sure to hit her next time.

Rosalie: Holy cracker!

Alice: Holy cheesecake!

Jasper: Holy apple!

Emmett: Holy bible!

Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper: Dude. No. that was just… no.

Bella: Thanks for saving me, Edward.

Edward: Damn you to hell.

_-6 weeks pass by-_

Mike: wanna go out with me, Bella?

Bella: no.

Mike: Oh.

Bella: …

Mike: …

Eric: What about me, why won't you go out with me?

Bella: I'm going to Seattle to hide from you rapists.

Eric: um…

Tyler: My turn, my turn!

Bella: no… just… no.

_-everyone leaves-_

Edward: Why did you reject them? Are you a lesbo?

Bella: um… no?

Edward: I believe you, even though you couldn't even lie to the mentally handicapped.

_-In Port Angeles-_

Bella: Rapist! Rapist!

"Rapist" number 1: We were just gona ask if you had a quarter for the bus, god.

Edward: Get in the freakin' car! I saw you in their minds! They were going to ask you… -shudders- for a quarter. I can't let them take anything from you!

Bella: Um… thank you?

Edward: Let's go to a restaurant.

Bella: Mmm… mushrooms…

Edward: I'm a vampire.

Bella: Cool. Oh my damn! Slow down!

Edward: Hell no. I won't crash. If I do, I'll still live. I don't care about you, I mean I AM selfish.

Bella: I agree.

Edward: You shouldn't! God, you are too dependent! It's creepy!

Bella: I think so too.

Edward: Get out of my fucking car!

_-The next day-_

Bella: stop overflowing the tray with food, Edward! Do you want me to turn into Rosie O'Donnell?!

Edward: That's the point…

Bella: …

Edward: I mean, uh, no?

Bella: close enough.

Edward: Thank god.

Bella: I love you.

Edward: You smell good.

Bella: My self esteem is so low that that doesn't offend me.

Edward: Let me try that again… I love your blood?

Bella: better.

Edward: I want you to tell your dumbass father that I am going out with you, and on Saturday we aren't going to Seattle.

Bella: are you going to eat me that day?

Edward: My insides are telling me that I probably will, but I'll try not to.

Bella: that's reassuring.

_-at meadow-_

Edward: I sparkle.

Bella: No way, that explains why you are glittering more than my mother's engagement ring!

Edward: you're observant. A little _too_ observant…

Bella: Is this the part where you eat me?

Edward: Yeah. But I won't because I bet against Alice. Maybe later though…

Bella: That helps.

_-At house-_

Edward: can I come inside?

Bella: pervert!

Edward: …

Bella: just kidding. I know you didn't mean it like that.

Edward: that's what YOU think…

Bella: what?

Edward: Nevermind.

Bella: Lie in bed with me and watch me sleep! Because that's so not creepy…

Edward: I watch you every night.

Bella: that's not stalkerish at all!

Edward: Go to sleep so I can listen to what you are thinking by force.

Bella: …

Edward: Just do it before I rape you!

Bella: -goes to sleep-

_-in the morning-_

Edward: I want you to meet my family of bloodthirsty vampires.

Bella: coolio.

_-at Cullen house-_

Alice: guess what Bella! I get visions of you dying!

Bella: …

Alice: Too soon to tell each other everything? I should have waited till tomorrow.

_-in Edward's room-_

Alice: Jasper and I want to eat you.

Bella: You're joking, right?

Alice: Actually, no. but that's not why we came in here. We want to play baseball and make you feel like an eighth wheel.

Bella: sounds good to me!

_-At baseball field-_

Bella: Three even MORE bloodthirsty vampires are coming after me!

Cullens: OH SHIT!

_-Everyone separates-_

Bella: I miss Edward.

James: I have you cornered! Time to feast!

Bella: -passes out-

_-in hospital-_

Edward: Bella, are you awake?

Bella: …

Edward: Guess not.

Bella: Edward?

Edward: Bella!

Bella: Edward!

Mike: Mike!

Edward and Bella: …

Mike: I felt left out.

Bella: Don't ever leave me!

Edward: sure… heh heh… of course… -foreshadows-

Bella: I'll pretend I don't see what's coming.

**So that's it for my parody. Remember, ITS JUST A JOKE! I love Twilight, so please don't review telling me I have completely made a mockery of the book. Just a joke… but yeah please review and tell me if I should make a sequel, like new moon the parody or anything? Thanks for reading!**


	2. sequel is up!

Quick Author's note just to say that the sequel is up, called "New Moon the Parody"

**Quick Author's note just to say that the sequel is up, called "New Moon the Parody"!**


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